Late
by phoenix.tycho
Summary: Astrid's late. Two weeks late. Uh-oh. [a modern Hiccstrid oneshot]


**a/n: a modern Hiccstrid oneshot featuring Ruffnut, who I secretly love. Maybe it's because she's voiced by Kristin Wiig, but I think Ruffnut is so under appreciated. **

**I'm back to writing fics after a ten year hiatus, so any and all reviews/feedback would be appreciated! I'm trying to upload frequently too. Thank you!**

* * *

**Late**

Oh Gods.

Oh _Gods_.

It's been two weeks.

Astrid sighed as she tapped at her phone, flipping through the blank pages of her calendar.

There was a thin, red line that ran through the days July 31 and August 4. And today it was September 14. No red marks, no red lines beforehand.

She gripped her phone tightly and sighed, closing her eyes.

She remembered he would always have a condom on him somewhere. And she'd take the morning after pills occasionally, just in case.

They had only been married for a month and a half. They were so very careful. There's no way she could be pregnant, right? It must be a fluke.

Well, not the time to jump to conclusions, Astrid thought, dialing her friend's number.

"Hey girl, I have the day off," she said into the phone, "You want to get a quick brunch or something?"

* * *

The door chimed happily as Astrid entered the tiny café.

"Hey, Ruff," she sighed, sitting down in the seat opposite Ruffnut.

Ruffnut typed another word or two into her phone before she slipped in back into her purse, eyed Astrid dangerously, "You sound tired. Speak."

Astrid laughed nervously and stood abruptly, "Um, let me go get a cup of coffee first…"

Ruffnut raised her eyebrows and motioned with one hand to the steaming mug of coffee and croissant in front of Astrid on the table, "Beat you to it, girl".

Ruffnut motioning for Astrid to sit down again, a smirk on her face, "Now spill".

Astrid slumped back into her seat, grabbing the coffee and the croissant. She sipped her coffee, black like she liked it, and leaned forward to say under her breath, "I'm late."

"No way," Ruffnut's eyes widened, "How long?"

Astrid grimaced, "Two weeks."

* * *

Astrid lay cuddled on the couch, holding a warm cup of tea gingerly in both hands, sipping occasionally, her eyes glued to the TV screen. Toothless, the little three-legged black cat, was snoozing on the back of the couch, tail flicking abstinently as he dreamed. A show she had watched a few times previously was playing on the TV, providing background noise more than actual entertainment.

Astrid sat up quickly as the doorbell chimed. Toothless, suddenly wide awake, looked toward the front door with a curious meow.

"Coming!" she yelled, setting down her tea on the coffee table and walking swiftly to the door.

She opened it and smiled slightly at the visitor.

"Ruffnut. What are you doing here?"

Ruffnut grinned widely and held up two grocery bags, "Let me in first, then I'll talk."

Astrid stepped aside and led Ruffnut back to the TV room. Astrid picked up the remote to mute the TV just as Ruffnut reached into the bag.

"Ta-da!" Ruffnut cheered as she handed Astrid a pink and white box.

Astrid read the label aloud, "_The World's most precise pregnancy test. 99.9 percent accurate."_

At this Ruffnut frowned, "That kind of disappointed me. Why can't it just be 100 percent accurate? How can something be 99.9 percent accurate? Isn't that just the same thing as 100 percent basically?" she shrugged, "But not to worry, I bought fourteen more," she finished with a cheeky smile, holding up the other bags.

"Oh my God, Ruff..."

* * *

Fifteen plastic sticks were lined up against the kitchen counter. Both women stood facing in the opposite direction holding each other's hands.

Astrid inhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

"Are you ready, Astrid?" asked Ruffnut, shooting a worried look in her friend's direction.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she replied, opening her eyes.

"Okay," exhaled Ruffnut, "On the count of three."

"One."

"Two."

"THREE!"

Astrid winced at the loud volume and raised her hands to her ringing ears.

"Good Gods, Ruff, I swear, sometimes you make me wanna—"

"The hell is this?" wondered Ruffnut, already over at the counter inspecting the tests, "What the hell does a happy face mean?"

Astrid whirled around, slightly disappointed that Ruffnut had seen the results before she had. But her disappointment was short-lived, for neither knew the true results.

Fifteen plastic things were lined up on the kitchen counter, and they all had happy faces plastered on their little window.

"Not sure," Astrid walked over to the tests, "Go check the trash can for a box."

Ruffnut went to the bin and rummaged through, before letting out a small squeal of delight when she pulled one of the boxes out. She placed a hand on her hip as she turned the box around and reading the back instructions.

"Happy face means … OH MY GOD ASTRID, YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

Astrid backed into a kitchen stool and collapsed into the seat.

"Astrid?" called Ruffnut apprehensively, her voice suddently much quieter than normal, "You alright?"

"I'm… I'm pregnant," she said with a small smile. She patted her lower torso gingerly, "Hello, baby."

Ruffnut, seeing that Astrid was alright, finally let out a pent-up shriek and rushed towards the new mom, careful not to crush the new baby hiding in her tummy.

"I'm so excited!" Ruffnut squealed, practically bouncing up and down with excitement, "I'm going to be an auntie! I've been waiting for this day for years!"

"Years?" Astrid paused, "Hiccup and I haven't even been married for that long".

Ruffnut wasn't paying attention, "Oh, Hiccup is going to be such a great father! Oh, we totally have to go shopping for her clothes!" she wailed, practically bursting with excitement.

Astrid's eyebrows came together with confusion, "Her? What makes you sure it's a her?"

Ruffnut still wasn't paying attention, her mind already wandering with all the baby excitement.

"And we have to buy her furniture! And we have to get her blankie! And teddy!"

"Ruff—"

"And baby bottles and bibs! And strollers and pacifiers!"

"Ruffn—"

"AND DIAPERS TOO!" Ruffnut shouted, her voice progressively getting louder and louder, "The ones with the cute little duckies on them, ohmygosh!"

"RUFF—"

"And the—"

"RUFFNUT! GET A GRIP."

"Right," Ruffnut rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, "Sorry."

Astrid breathed a sigh of relief, "Besides, we don't even know if it's a guy or a girl."

"Well it just so happens that I'm a pro at predicting a baby's gender," retorted Ruffnut, smirking with pride, "I say your baby is a girl."

She paused a moment and looked thoughtful, "Then again, maybe it will be a boy. But hey, if it's a girl, you could name her Charlotte. And if it's a boy, you could name him James."

"I'm not sure about those names," Astrid commented.

"BUT IF YOU HAVE TWINS—" Ruffnut was shouting again, "You can name the boy JAMES—"

Astrid sighed, "I just said I'm not sure I like –"

"AND THE GIRL CHARLOTTE!" finished Ruffnut excitedly, grinning wickedly.

Astrid raised an eyebrow, "Or not," she couldn't help but smile along with her friend, "Yeah, names will be fun."

* * *

Astrid stood sadly in front of her mirror for a while, lifting her shirt and patting her flat tummy.

"This," she sighed softly, "Is going to go away for a while."

No more sexy clothes. Only frumpy maternity ones. How boring.

But it should be worth it. For that "bundle of joy".

Astrid was going to be a mom!

Yes!

Apparently, knowing that you were a mother made you want to do all sorts of weird motherly things around the house. Like cooking, for one.

Astrid hummed happily, as she shut the refrigerator door, setting down a long slice of packaged salmon on the kitchen counter. The pregnancy tests had been long since disposed of, and the counter had been wiped clean, thanks to Astrid's newfound motherly skills.

As she chopped garlic, she wondered nervously what Hiccup would say. Backtrack, she thought, how the hell was she going to tell him in the first place?

"Worry about that later," she muttered, pulling out a cooking tray and slapping the salmon on it, "Cooking first."

Hiccup came home with a tired look on his face, but looked up in confusion when the scent of—salmon, was it?—wafted to his nose. He shrugged off his jacket and hung it in the little closet near the door before he walked into the dining room with a surprised look on his face, one that pleased his wife.

"You cooked?" he asked incredulously, "By yourself?"

Astrid put her hands on her hips, "_Yes_, by myself, thank you very much."

"Are you sure?" he inquired with a sly smile, remembering the time she ordered takeout, but insisted that she made it all herself.

"Absolutely positive," Astrid smiled, "Come, try it!"

They sat down opposite each other at the dining room table and Hiccup placed a slice of salmon in his mouth and smiled warmly, "Not bad," he said, licking his lips. The garlic flavor was pleasant.

Astrid giggled and reached for the bottle of wine, and then poured him a glass before reaching for her glass of lemon water, "I followed the recipe your mom gave me."

_Speaking of motherhood…_

"Oh, that's nice."

_Yes it is nice! You what else is nice? I'm pregnant!_

"God, work was so boring today, I felt like I was gonna die…"

Astrid just nodded and smiled. How the hell was she going to tell him?

_So Hiccup, what do you think of a mini-me…_

"Gobber was giving us all such a hard time today…"

Maybe she wouldn't tell him. Maybe she'd run and hide in the Philippines for nine months and come back with a baby.

_Hey Hiccup, look what I found! Isn't it cute?_

"I swear, I love being an art professor and all," Hiccup paused to take a sip of his wine, "But I covered an Intro to Drawing class and oh my Gods, some of those kids are little shits…"

Astrid grinned politely and said, "Mhm, yeah."

_I think babies are nice, Hiccup. Don't you want one? Good, 'cause one's on its way!_

"Their assignment was to draw bowls of fruit, like a still-life..."

_Haha, funny thing Hiccup, so Ruffnut and I decided to get pregnancy tests on whim, and whoo! I'm pregnant ... how random … ha-ha…!_

"They were being super immature about the bananas..."

How was she going to tell him? Maybe in a calm, even voice.

_Sorry worked sucked today, Hiccup. But hey, guess what? I'm pregnant!_

"Like, come on guys, this is college," Hiccup rolled his eyes, "Grow up."

Astrid smiled at him, and took a good stab at her salmon. Damn salmon.

_I'm fucking pregnant. I'm. Fucking. Pregnant._

Nice, sweet tone.

"I basically spent the whole class watching them giggle and point at the bananas in the fruit bowl..."

Astrid frowned. No, too harsh.

_Hiccup, honey, I'm pregnant…_

"Thankfully, the rest of the class was mature and there were actually a few people who did a really good job…"

Lose the honey. They weren't that kind of couple. No honey, sweetiepie, honeycakes, Gods, no. Nicknames just weren't their style. Okay then. _I'm pregnant_. Blunt, and to the point. No need for beating around the bush, right? Right?

"It just makes me glad I teach mostly upperclassmen," Hiccup sighed, before smiling at his wife across the table, "Anyway, thanks for listening, Astrid. I just needed to vent," he said softly, reaching for her hand.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted, eyes widening. Whoops, that was supposed to be something along the lines of _"Yeah, it's no problem…"_

His hand tightened upon hers, "You're… You're pregnant. Oh my Gods. Oh my Gods!" he yelled excitedly, reaching forward across the table and grabbing Astrid's face and kissing her senseless. He then stood and rushed to her, enveloping her in his arms, smiling contentedly.

"We're going to be parents," he murmured into her hair, and she leaned against his chest with a soft smile.

She shrieked with surprise as he swept her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom, dinner long forgotten on the dining room table. Toothless, trying to be sneaky, was already hoping onto the table to scavenge for any leftover salmon.

"Might as well make the best of our time before you get too big…"

"Big? _Hiccup_!"


End file.
